BOY I'm About Two Things​.​.​. (1) The Destruction of the State Apparatus and (2) The Elimination of Capitalism

by Wasted Champs

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price


  • Cassette + Digital Album

    scrap metal colored cassette w/ black spraypaint splatter on one side

    features an alternate meme-less cover art because u deserve better

    made by Gaywitch Records from Chicago, IL (more tapes available @ the link below)

    only 25 copies made


    Includes unlimited streaming of BOY I'm About Two Things... (1) The Destruction of the State Apparatus and (2) The Elimination of Capitalism via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    5 remaining

      $5 USD or more 





my third album hooboi

title inspired by a meme i saw cause i'm cooler than u by mike posner

The stupid name and cover aside, this record was a pretty difficult one to write. Not just because a lot of it goes in a more pop direction, but because this album for me acts as a collection of all of the things I've struggled with over the past few years: being alone, death, suicide, bad relationships, self-identity, it's all here. It took a lot for me to crawl out of my comfort zone on these, especially since pop is a genre I don't know much about. I wrote these songs not just because i wanted to or because people might enjoy them, but because I felt that they could help people who are going through the same problems relate and feel better. This record is for anyone who constantly feels alone and worthless in life. You are not alone. You have so much meaning. I love you. You matter.

I really hope you enjoy this thing.



released April 12, 2016

tracks 2-7 written by me
track 8 written by John Redden
tracks 1 and 9 aren't real tracks tbh

all tracks recorded and produced by me

track 3 contains a sample from the 1980s kids radio show "Songs Jumping In My Mouth" recorded on vinyl
track 7 contains samples from the MTV show "Next"
track 8 contains a sample from the film "Plan 9 From Outer Space"

cover made on the app R4VE (look at the dank memes (katie included))



all rights reserved
Track Name: Friday Night
i sat alone in my mind again
wishing to myself i had a friend
but they’re out drinking while i mope to myself
what else is new

i lay alone in an empty space
worrying about the human race
and about the deaths of everyone around me
and the inevitable death of you

just another friday night for me

i sighed alone in a crowded room
sitting there looking for my doom
hoping and waiting the trigger will be pulled
what else is new

i slept alone in a deserted place
cutting my tongue out cause i’m a disgrace
pouring the blood all over my face
what else should i do

just another friday night for me

again and again
Track Name: Chainvaping
it’s raining and i don’t have an umbrella
is this a metaphor for where my mind has gone?
sometimes i wish i could predict the weather
but lord knows i’d always get it wrong

it’s pouring so i run for cover
i watch the screen to know what this movie’s called
but i see my friend and we have a conversation
and i never learn the title all along

it stopped raining and i’m finally home
i feel like my whole night was a waste of time
i’m back to the beginning i’m all alone
this process called my life is getting really out of line
Track Name: Amusement Park
i wanna go to the fair with you
and we’ll be happy
we’ll hold each other tight on the carousel
and not feel crappy
and afterwards i’ll write this stupid song
and sing it to you

let’s go to the amusement park
and laugh our cares away
let’s kiss on the top of the ferris wheel
and feel a okay
and afterwards i’ll write this stupid song
and sing it to you while we fall asleep
Track Name: A Cup of Coffee and a Joint (We Can Share Either One)
all i wanna do is sit with you on the porch
and have some cups of coffee and share a joint
and we can do our work until the sun goes down
and hatefuck till we go to sleep

cause i like being around you until i snap
everything builds up like a heart attack
and i depend on drugs when you’re around
until we go to sleep

and when we wake up we vomit our guts out
and sit on the kitchen counter together and pout
about how our lives suck and we want out
and we go back to sleep

and we’ll make lunch in the evening and stare at the sky
and watch tv thinking about how we want to die
and afterwards we’ll look at each other and sigh
and finally go back to sleep

all i wanna do is sit with you on the porch
and have some cups of coffee and share a joint
and we can do our work until the sun goes down
and hatefuck till we go to sleep
Track Name: Panic Attack
i’m sad and i’m sober and i’ve accepted the fact that i’m gonna die queer and young and alone for about two years now

and if i don’t end my night having someone at my side i’m gonna go fucking insane
Track Name: Sobbing
tell me that i’m lazy
tell me i’m a fucking lie
tell me that i’m crazy
tell me i should fucking die

cause i’ll do it
if you want me to
yeah i’ll do it
what else should i do?
i will do it
if you want me to
yeah i’ll do it
but i’ll never tell you

tell me that you gave up
tell me i’m a fucking joke
tell me everything is my fault
tell me i should fucking choke

cause i’ll do it
if you want me to
yeah i’ll do it
what else should i do?
i will do it
if you want me to
yeah i’ll do it
but i’ll never tell you
Track Name: (feat. Imaginary Hockey League)
"fifteen, and that's all you it's like 'nee nee nee my name is jon i wrote a good song' and that's how you do it. and then what other songs did you write? we kinda wrote ‘b side’ together but like all the guitar was you, and you knew how to do the thing, and — are you filming me? i don’t give a fuck. okay. there’s crumbs. don’t laugh. this is serious. this is serious. okay. but i’m not done. i wanna be — i want all of this to be filmed so you can internalize it forever. that you’re a beautiful human being. you’re really smart. you’re really good. i’m too - you’re too good — i — fuck. you are too good for me. i’m not too good for you. i’m — i’m an okay drummer. you’re an okay guitar player. but you’re also a fantastic songwriter and that’s what fucking matters. and — what’s another good song? you wrote 'i don’t know.’ ‘i don’t know’ is a good fucking song. i feel it. i feel it in my bones. like my bones —“

“you feel it in your boner?”

“yeah. i get boners from that song when i hear it in my head. it’s recorded—"

“same. i get boners too. yeah man, you’ve never seen it?”

“i’ve never seen your dick, no.”

“wanna see it now?”


“i wanna see it.”

“i don’t know, man.

“i wanna see it too.”

“not on video, though.”

“alright, alright. okay we’ll do it later.”

“okay. afterwards.”

“we’ll do it later. we’ll all whip our dicks out later.”

“i’ll whip my dick out right now.”

“no kieran”

“doit doit doit doit doit. i dare you, doit.”

“wait, wait. no.”

“i’m scared.”

“no, no i don’t wanna scare anybody. i’m just tryna put merch away.”

“kieran, why did you put all your change on the table, i don’t want it!”

“but it’s for pbr.”

“give it to dan, then.”

“is it for pbr?”

“yeah. we sent someone on a pbr mission.”

“this is $2. that’s $1.”

“no it’s not, that’s a nickel.”


“it’s $1.05”

“$1 $1 $1 thir— what?”

“okay, let me count your money, let me, let me, I LOVE COUNTING COINS!”

“pretty, okay, that’s a nickel. are you having FUNNNN?? uh, whoooaaaauuuuueeeehh booyah. there’s only 1 gram of sugar in a serving of sriracha? there's 96 servings i’m pretty —"

“this is $2.02.”

“that’s enough for a fucking pbr.”

“i could go to a bar and be like PPWWRR GIMME A DRINK! cause i’m 19.”

“in canada you could do that. dude in canada you trying to like let it get lit?”

“i mean yeah cause i can— bruh no, NO, PUT YOUR—“



“yeah and he was like ‘yes we can’ ‘si se puede’ ‘SI SE PUEDE!’”



“aw i got a snapCHAAAAAAATTTT.”

“cory knows, wait cory, wait — dr — what — what're, are you leaving this here?"


“dope. okay wait, um, jon.”


“you’re beautiful. you’re good. i love you. sometimes i’m mean to you a lot. but that’s like — that doesn’t mean anything. like it doesn’t mean that you’re less of a person cause one person’s mean to you. you know what it means? it just means that one person’s mean to you, and that one person’s just like a fucking dick. i’m a fucking dick, i’m a toxic friend. sometimes, like you know — no, i’m just a toxic friend, and you’re like a good friend. even if you’re toxic to me. sometimes you’re a bad friend to me. but like, we’re still friends cause we’re just — we’re — we’re dumbasses. so like —"

“and that’s what friendship is, being dumbasses together. psa.”


“did you just cut off the vide— no, you didn’t end it, you’re still — that light — that light —"

“dexter, you’re so pretty! you know you’re a good dog, don’t you?”

“i like your hair a lot.”

“thank you.”

“he’s a moo cow. oh i thought you were talking to the dog.”

“no, i’m talking to tate.”

“yeah, i got really good hair.”

“yeah, you do. tate — tate i don’t like to assume, what pronoun do you use?”

“uh, they/them/their.”

“they have the best hair in this house.”

“i like your hair."

“thank you. it’s really dry cause i bleach it a lot. and straighten it a lot, just not this time.”

“my hair used to be as long as yours but i cut it off and now i’m sad cause people don’t call — people don’t — people don’t call me lady at — at —at — at —“

“but your hair look so good.”

“i know but like—“

“i know.”

“but like — but like — i miss going to a denny’s and people being like ‘hello ladies, how can i help you?’ and i’m like ‘ayee’ but like — but —”


“but like — now it’s just like ‘what can i do ya for?’ and i’m like UUGHH. i just want a drink”

“i just wanna be a lady.”

“kieran — kieran, do you have any — i’m gonna stop the video. do you have any final thoughts?”

“what is love got to do? got to do with it?”

“what’s love but a second hand in motion?”